View Full Version : Letters that they wouldn't print

01.02.2006, 12:14 PM
Copied from another website, the readers letters that they dare not print!

Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes this summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports Personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.

Ben Hunt
The government tells us that we are eating too many pies and dying of heart disease, then in the next breath they're telling us we are living too long and there'll be no more pension money left for us. I wish they'd make their minds up.

'Alton Towers - Where the magic never ends', or so the commercial says.

Imagine my disappointment when it closed at 7.30.

Colum Hill
I am married to a Taiwanese lady, and people often ask me if she was a mail-order bride. I find this very insensitive. The Royal Mail lose around 2 million letters and parcels each year, and to suggest that I would trust the delivery of my wife to them is insulting in the extreme.

She was sent by DHL next day delivery.

L Palmer, London
The record companies would have us believe that the money made by CD pirates goes to fund the drug industry. But the money rock stars make from legal record sales ends up in exactly the same place. When they stop breaking the law, so will

I. P Boddington, Ringway
Peter Andre might look smug in all his wedding pictures, but I'd just like to remind him that, as a Playboy reader, I have seen his wife's m!nge. He hasn't seen my wife's, so who's had the last laugh?

P, Leeds
It really annoys me to see these suicide bombers blowing up people as well as themselves. In my day, suicide was done in a more dignified way, such as slicing your wrists in the bath, or hanging yourself from a door with a belt.

Paul Mulraney, Belfast
On holiday a few years back, I took part in a quiz and managed to reach the final only to lose out after what I consider to this day, to be a correct answer. The question asked 'What 'C' would you associate Jeremy Clarkson with?' to which I confidently replied 'c*nt'. Not only was I told the answer as incorrect, but I was asked by the holiday rep to leave the premises immediately.

Has anyone else experienced such appalling treatment whilst holidaying with one's family?

Noel, Leeds
My friend's mum recently pointed out that I have the same ironing board cover as her. Can anyone think of a more mundane and pointless remark to make than this?

Alun Daniel
I'll never understand my neighbour. He has recently started wheel-clamping his own caravan when he finds he has inadvertently parked it in his own drive! I wonder if he is a sadist, a masochist or both.

Alan Thakeray
I recently bought a fridge freezer from Curry’s, and after I had paid for it they asked me for my address to arrange delivery. I told them that I lived between Gateshead and Hexham, and if they rang me a week next Tuesday between 8am and 7pm, I night be able to give them a six hour slot when I would be able to take delivery. When they rang me, I told them that my house was out of stock and they should ring back on Saturday.

The shoe's on he other foot now, isn't it, Curry’s?

DF Kant
Did anyone else feel that Mel Gibson's remake of the classic Life of Brian wasn't anywhere near as funny as the original?

On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist.

They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.

Alan J., London
I was extremely saddened to hear of Richard Whiteley's recent death. But I was cheered to imagine his life support machine making the famous Countdown "da-da, da-da, da-da-da-da! Booooooo!" sound as he took his final breaths.

I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.

What's all this nonsense about that 66-year-old Romanian woman being the

world's oldest mum? My mum's 77.

Beat that.

Thomas J

Spud Raver
01.02.2006, 12:21 PM
Busy day again???

01.02.2006, 12:22 PM
Judging by the amount of posts you've made today, busier than you! :jerkoff:

Spud Raver
01.02.2006, 12:36 PM
Judging by the amount of posts you've made today, busier than you! :jerkoff:

Davies post count......................559
Scottch's post count................1036


Oh......:canada: :finger:

01.02.2006, 12:54 PM
Aye, and I'm still busier than you :finger:

Awa' and get yer PP3's ffs

The next time you come for soup, am gonna stir it wi' ma special tool! :twak:

Are you really this wooden everyday??? ;)

Spud Raver
01.02.2006, 02:44 PM
The next time you come for soup, am gonna stir it wi' ma special tool!

Your personal organ enhancer????

Give your keyboard a rest and use that cobwebbed covered brush in the corner to give the place a sweep out. The Health and Safety would close it down if they knew you were cooking food in there!!!! :finger:

01.02.2006, 04:18 PM
Brilliant stuff in those letters, i be proud to have written some of those.

01.02.2006, 07:06 PM
Are you sure it was food I cooked you?? ;)